I do not talk about it much (unless asked), however, I was bullied for most of my childhood and some into my teenage years. Growing up, I remember an old children's rhyme that said "sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me"; while this statement is noble in nature, it is not accurate. I think a more accurate take on this phrase is "sticks and stones may break my bones and words will forever impact me." I am not saying that we have to become the words that are spoken over us, I am saying it is easy to believe that you are what people call you; it is even easier to believe the negative words when you are a child.
I cannot speak for anyone else but I like to think of school as a character-defining place. As children, we tend to easily believe what we hear; we also think that bad moments will last forever. So, I was the kid who experienced a lot of negative words and physical acts that hurt me. However, if given a choice, I might have taken more of the physical bullying as most physical damage heals faster than emotional abuse. Sometimes I wish I could tell child-Melissa "this will pass" or "don't believe what they are saying" or "they have no idea what their words are doing, in the meantime, just know that this is not who you are". I have a lot of things I would tell kid/teen Melissa so that those thoughts would not carry over into adult Melissa's thought life.
The last two years have been incredible for me as I have been seeking recovery from childhood incidences and the way I think about myself. I have learned that the way I think about myself will ultimately impact how I see and treat others. Before seeking recovery and making changes, a lot of my team-based interactions were people-pleasing centered. As a result of that kind of behavior, I said and did things to keep the peace; however, if was a faux-peace as my motivation was to maintain approval instead of offering help that may have been needed. I wasn't myself in team settings because most times, I didn't think my voice mattered.
Two years is not a lot of time to clean up the damage of years of bad thinking, still, many positive changes have happened over the years. For example, I know that my life and words have value. I no longer feel this consistent inadequacy in my interpersonal interactions; I now have a voice and opinions that are worth hearing because they matter...because I matter. Now I am able to communicate what I am feeling even if it is a criticism or thoughts that conflict with other teammates. Because of my childhood experiences and the faulty thinking that I allowed to rule my life, I have to learn how to interact with people in ways that are respectful to me. In the past, I would avoid conflict and confrontation because I associated conflict with abandonment. I thought that if I disagreed with people, they wouldn't want to be around me; that kind of thinking can negatively impact a team-based environment. Thankfully, my thinking is better as it now reflects the truth of who I am. I am now able to communicate in a way that is both honest and goodwill-based.
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